CNV and Emotional Intelligence
There is a term that is becoming increasingly pop these days: Emotional Intelligence. Daniel Goleman, a North American psychologist and scientific journalist, published a book with this name in the 90s and it was only with the boom in self-help and related approaches that the concept became popular.
In this book, Goleman presented a thorough research on how we process emotions on a physical and intellectual level.
It shows how we are kidnapped by our amygdala and we enter a process known as Freeze, Fight or Run.
Goleman's discoveries were very necessary in a world that developed more and more in an analytical-rational way and valued more and more by IQ as an indicator of intelligence.
He showed the world that emotional intelligence is a quality that must be stimulated and developed early in order for “amygdala hijacking” to fulfill its function when we are really threatened and not at any time when we feel offended.
The CNV model proposed by Rosenberg is a practical solution for developing emotional intelligence. CNV stands for Emotional Intelligence as logic and geometry stands for IQ.
CNV's Giraffe Language
Nonviolent communication is the transmission and reception of messages that focus on two very important issues:
- What is alive in us?
- What can we do to make life a wonderful experience?
It requires great honesty and openness, developing a certain literacy of expressions and overcoming a deeply ingrained learning that emphasizes judgment, fear, obligation, duty, punishment and reward and shame.
Rosenberg coined the terms giraffe and jackal in interpersonal communication, where the first is the language of the heart, the giraffe is the animal with the biggest heart, while the second (jackal) is a language of criticism and requires that it only triggers counter-attack and defensiveness.
Giraffe language does not require people to become monks who have achieved nirvana and have become exceptionally caring and charismatic communicators.
The biggest demand here is to be present and aware of our needs and feelings at all times.
In fact, the whole process of nonviolent communication serves only as a guide for what to pay attention to.
And the best part is that we can practice this with people who have never heard of the topic.
The jackal judges, gets angry and talks about what he doesn't want and doesn't need.
The giraffe watches, questions and talks about what it wants and needs.